Have you ever been in a new environment – either a new city, new stage of life, or just a new place emotionally or mentally? We’ve all been there. Making new friends during these times can be tricky! If you’re not plugged into the community in which you are interested in making friends – where do you start? Social media groups, of course! Problem is, no one seems to show their genuine self on social media.
I recently moved to a new town, during a new stage in life (motherhood) as well as being in a new place emotionally (Postpartum Depression and Anxiety). This new town is beautiful and full of beautiful people. Well, according to all of these amazing mom groups I joined shortly before moving across the country. I was a stay-at-home mom of a fifteen-month crazy toddler and a newborn. I was experiencing crippling postpartum depression and anxiety, though I hadn’t realized it at the time. This beautiful new town was six hours from anyone I knew, aside from my husband. I NEEDED mom friends. I set up play date after play date. Only for them to fall through. I was desperate to get out of the house and have a grown-up conversation. My husband was desperate for me to get out of the house and have a grown-up conversation!
After a few months, I did it! I finally set up a play date with someone! She showed up and our kids played! She was kind, down to earth, and seemed so genuine. We had a ton in common and I really felt like this could turn into an actual friendship. We kept in touch and text each other daily about our lives just getting to know each other better. The next week, we met at her home for our second play date. Our kids played, we talked, and it was a wonderful time. Near the end of the playdate, I decided to open up about my PPD and PPA. Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Wow, that’s a very personal thing to share with someone you barely know!” You’re right! It was; but I felt like she may possibly know what I was going through since she also had a toddler and newborn. She acted so empathetic. She even teared up while I shared the depths of my depression. Then, I never heard from her again. Nothing! It honestly made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I shared with her about the darkest place I have ever been mentally and emotionally. Postpartum depression can be very cruel. It can make the sanest of mothers feel like they are losing their mind and spiraling out of control.
I feel like we live in a world now where we can’t be real with each other. We don’t want to be vulnerable or “less than” in the eyes of others. No one should feel the need to filter their lives so that others believe they are living a fairytale. Motherhood is difficult as it is. We should be able to rely on a village of other mothers who will support us during what can be a stormy season.
While you’re looking for your village of other amazing moms who will love you and your kids unconditionally, be kind to yourself. At the end of the day, if your kids are loved – that’s all that really matters. Your house doesn’t need to be spotless and decorated to look like Chip and Joanna just left. Your children won’t remember there being dishes, dirty laundry, or a little dust on mommy’s pretties. They will remember the endless and unconditional love you’ve shown.
~ Mellissa
